Sea change...

It was almost sunset and they had been there for about half an hour now. The beach that remained deserted throughout the day, as usual had attracted presence of life with its beautiful shades of red during the dusk. Apart from them there were a handful of families with kids running around chasing the waves, their parents frantically following and a few couples, who thought sunset was the most romantic thing on earth, just as how it was for him and her. The sea was peaceful with its roars ebbed away to calm sighs. At a distance there were a few fishermen retiring to huts with the day’s catch after securing their boats safely on to the stumps dug deep into the black beach sand. There were no traces of seagulls or crows as they had more sense and value for time than humans, supposedly the most intellectual beings on earth.

The sea was always significant to them. His dreams, so vividly detailed had painted the beauty of the sea, beach and their love on the canvas of her mind a number of times before they had even met each other.During their intense moments over the phone, his words were often silenced by the laughter of the waves that he beautifully described to her. It was as if the sea wanted to scream out of happiness every time they kissed, and every time they made love.

She secretly wished that her first date with him would be to a beach. When her dream turned real, she spent every moment thanking him in silence for being in her life. The date though was nothing like how they had dreamt it together, but that would take time, she knew then.

Today however, her thoughts were not on the sea, although she kept staring at it. She was rooted to the concrete pavement below which there were boulders arranged as if to remind the sea to not cross its limits. He stood a few feet behind her, leaning on her car with his hands folded across his chest. He was patiently waiting, gaze fixed on her silhouette, expecting her to speak. But with no signs of progress from her end, he decided to break the vast sea of silence between them.

“Are we here for the sunset?”
“Huh?”, She shuddered with a jolt and turned quickly to look at him.
“I thought you wanted to talk to me regarding something very important. But it seems like we came here to see the sun off”
“It is beautiful, isn’t it?” She looked past him into the void, trying to avoid his eyes.
“Yes, sunset is one the two most beautiful wonders nature has to offer, the other being undoubtedly me” He mockingly pointed towards himself with both the thumbs, flashing that beautiful smile of his beneath the long twisted moustache. Though he was kidding, if you asked her, she wouldn’t agree more. He or rather his enchanting smile was the most beautiful thing on earth according to her. Even the sunset failed to exhilarate her as much as his smile did.
“Well, I was talking about what we have between us”. And she meant it from the depths of her heart. The unnamed feeling that kept flaring amid them in all beautiful colours of emotions was something, which she had never experienced before in the 26years of her life.
“Of course sweetheart. You know it is! But why that question now? Is everything alright?”
“I know you love me. And I deeply love you back. But can a relationship thrive on love alone?” It was getting darker and she felt as if the darkness was seeping into her making her insides feel heavier with the gravity of the dark thoughts that were weighing her down for the past few days.
“Can you please make yourself clear? I really wouldn’t like to play hide and seek with words at this point of time” He was clearly getting restless.
“We are crazy, we are depressed, we love deeply… but… but in entirely different ways. Our love and desire for each other is so strong that it make me feel like we are one soul in two bodies, yet our differences make me feel like we are poles apart. There have been times when I am extremely hurt or filled with rage, but pretend to be absolutely fine and that there was nothing wrong. There have been times when I present you with understanding smiles whenI find you pissed off, and try to stay away from you to make you comfortable and fiercely break down once you are out of my sight. And there are times...”
“Why are you even with me if you have so many complaints?”
“Honey… I am not complaining. It’s my fault that I pretend.It’s my fault that I’m not being my self with you. But I am scared. If I be myself with you, I am afraid we wouldn’t survive even a moment together. “
“So what’s the point of this confession now? What is it that you want me to do? Please tell me, I’ll do what you ask me to. I’ll go away from your life if that’ll keep you happy. And let’s please fuck off from this shitty place. I’m getting a fucking headache.”
“Baby, please don’t get angry. This is something we really need to think about carefully and take a decision at some point or the other.The sooner, the better. I have come to realize that by pretending to be something I am not, we are not going to go any further. Things will only get worse. And if I don’t tell you this at least now, going ahead would only hurt us more. Remember what you told me once? … that ‘do not accept anything if you cant go with it till the end’… Baby, I don’t think I can go with it till the end, neither can you…”
“You please decide for yourself, don’t tell me if I can or cannot go with till the end. Anyways, I want to go home now. If you wish to spend more time here, please carry on. I’ll take an auto.”
“Baby I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry with me. I just wanted to…”
“Whatever… are you coming or shall I leave?
“I’m coming. I’ll drop you” She knew anything more she would utter would only drown in the sea not to be heard again. But she was well aware that the damage has already been caused. Enough damage to induce a change in things. A sea change.